“Hey.” “Hey! What’s Up?” “Nm, you?” “Same.” “Cool. Ttyl!” Nope.
Dating a new person can be nerve-racking.
There’s a lot of newness which can be a little awkward.
The date itself may be great, but nerves can really get going in between the actual dates.
You want to text the person but you have no idea what to say, or you’re already having a conversation and it’s starting to fall flat, or you have no clue how to reach out.
Instead of texting your friends in a panic, try having some of these conversations.
1. Ask for another date, then make some plans.
2. “What makes you laugh harder than anything in the world?”
3. Talk about a specific part of daily life without saying the words, “Hey, how was your day?”
It’s important to get a sense of that person’s day-to-day life. “Does she work crazy long hours? Or does he tend to take a nap after he comes home from the office? Does he cook himself dinner or always order take-out? Use the idea of the ‘how was your day?’ question as an opportunity to understand the person’s lifestyle and if you’d like to be part of it,” Natasha Burton, relationship expert and author of 101 Quizzes For Couples, tells BuzzFeed Life.
4. Follow up about a specific event or activity they mentioned during the date.
If the person mentions a class they’re taking or a huge presentation at work that week, text them to ask how it went. “Showing interest in the person signals interest and real curiosity about getting to know them,” says Dr. O’Neal.
5. Play the “Versus Game.”
– Cheeto fingers vs. a popcorn kernel stuck in your throat
– Day-old pizza vs. day-old fries
– Sexier with makeup vs. makeup free
– Completely hairy vs. completely hair-free
6. Ask about how he/she relates to his/her friends and family.
7. Discuss tattoos (whether they be hypothetical or already done).
8. Ask about their weekend hobbies.
9. Make a callback to an interest they mentioned.
“If there is something fun or silly within pop culture that they mention on the date, send them a funny but short article, a cartoon, a vine, etc., about it or ask them their opinion. It’s an opportunity to connect via your shared banter and laughs. Most people report that they want a partner who can make them laugh,” says Dr. O’Neal.
10. Share the podcast/YouTube channel/Tumblr page you love.
11. Talk about food.
Food counts as at least half of a date, so once you learn what the person likes or hates, you can better prepare yourself for the next shared dinner. Or, you can find a recipe you want to cook together, which can be an entirely different date.
12. Talk about pet peeves.
They may just be minor annoyances, but people can be really passionate while talking about the things that bother the crap out of them. Plus, the fringe benefit of knowing someone’s pet peeves is knowing what to avoid.
13. “Tell me about the first time you ever _________.”
This doesn’t need to be a heavy question, but it’s a great way to hear a more personal, detailed story about someone. Here’s a list of suggestions to fill in the blank:
– Drove a car
– Quit a job
– Went out of the country
– Cooked a proper meal for yourself
14. Play a few rounds of “F#@K, Marry, Kill.”
Besides being incredibly fun, it’s an easy way to get a better understanding of what makes the other person tick. Need some ideas? Take inspiration from “The Hardest Game of ‘F#@K, Marry, Kill’ You’ll Ever Play” or “The Ultimate Game of ‘F#@K, Marry, Kill: TV Edition.”
15. Have them tell you about their favorite story from their first job.
First jobs are typically goldmines for hilarious stories. Ask where they worked, why they left, or about the most ridiculous day they had at work, then share yours.
16. Have them tell you about the person who knows you best.
Constantly talking about yourself can make you feel a little on the spot, so asking someone about the person they’re closest with can help shift the spotlight in a positive direction. They’ll be able to open up without that weird feeling that they may be talking about themselves too much.
17. Pick a few favorites out of 36 questions that lead to love.
The questions are actually meant to lead two people towards a better sense of closeness once all 36 have been answered. While they’re fairly simple, they tend to bring out interesting which can lead to enriched conversations. Here are a few to choose from:
– Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
– Would you like to be famous? In what way?
– Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
– What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
– What is your most treasured memory?
Now, a few things to keep in mind while you’re in between dates.
You don’t need to freak out if there’s a lack of communication.
Steer clear of mentioning something they shared on social media if you’re not actually friends on social media yet.
“If someone hasn’t shared something with you but you know every detail about what they did in the last week, you would absolutely freak them out. Dating and connecting is a process and the beauty in the process is learning one another together. Taking away the opportunity for someone to share with you what they want you to know is overstepping their boundaries. No one wants to be closer to someone who can’t respect their boundaries,” suggests Dr. O’Neal.
Most importantly, communicate in the way you feel most comfortable.
“Use whatever means allows you to most be yourself. However, texting and email is great for between dates because it gives you time and space to craft what you want to say. It’s easy to just blurt out anything over the phone (especially if you’re nervous) and while you want to be yourself, of course, you also want to make sure that whatever you’re saying or revealing this early on is exactly what you want and mean to say,” Burton suggests.